We were recently in Maine and I was feeling at ease following our failed IVF because I knew our next step to pursue surrogacy was the right choice for us. We had serendipitously found a willing gestational carrier that we also felt was meant to be.
We were walking in and out of gift shops, not buying anything because of our extremely strict budget, when I saw this onesie and thought of this post from a blog I follow.
I bought the onesie, feeling so much hope that day while feeling as close as ever to having our miracle baby. A souvenir from our favorite place. An item to help us remember the time when everything was starting to go right.
A small part of me also hoped I would not regret it later.
A couple days later we were on our way home when we learned we would not be able to continue with the gestational carrier we had set our hearts on.
I never even took the onesie out of the bag. Once at home I stuck the bag in the closet, trying to forget about how foolish I’d been.
A small part of me knew.
Despite the onesie suffocating in a plastic bag in my closet, I’m still hopeful it will be filled with life someday.
Consider making a donation to help us offset the costs of another woman turning our embryo into a baby.
Bunny update: Today we learned the baby bunnies in our yard did not survive. My husband happened upon them in their nest, resting peacefully. There were five. I will not let this be an omen.